Saturday, November 29, 2008

Sex Drive

According to the Durex Global Sex Survey last year, only 34% of Malaysians have sex more than twice a week. Well, it’s no surprise since I think that the other 66% are stuck in traffic most of the time.

Traffic in Kuala Lumpur is notoriously horrendous. If you are late for any appointment, all you need to say is, “Jam,lah” and nobody will question it. I am just amazed with the amount of  time wasted on the road each day.

Many people are quick to conclude that the main culprit is the number of cars on the road. An average household in the Klang Valley has at least two cars. Due to the hot weather and inefficiency of public transportation, most Malaysians opt for the car to travel around the city.

So, what the local authorities do is to build more roads but does the traffic cease? Hah! Of course not. It only makes it worse because road construction sites only cause more traffic jam as no alternative routes are provided in the mean time. This is recently seen in Klang.

While we need to regulate the number of cars on the road for environmental reason, I think this is not the main cause of traffic jam in the Klang Valley. After driving for more than 10 years in Malaysia, I’ve noticed that traffic jams are often caused by irresponsible, inconsiderate and selfish drivers. These people do not deserve to have a car and should instead stay at home and have sex.

The next time you are stuck in a traffic jam, try to observe and figure out the real reasons. I think that one of the best ways to measure the mentality of a population is by the way they drive. It seems that the Klang Valley is filled with a lot of morons and idiots.

Ever notice how drivers ignore traffic regulations? At a traffic cross section, it is common to see cars stopping on yellow boxes. These drivers have no qualms blocking other cars from the other side of the road. Hence, a traffic jam.

Ever notice the number of cars illegally parked on yellow lines? They don’t care about the fact that their cars are reducing a two-lane road to one. Hence, a traffic jam. I have no bloody idea what our traffic policemen are doing? Having sex at home, I hope.

Ever notice a car which stubbornly stays on the left lane when it wants to turn to the right, blocking those cars that are heading to the left? Yeah hah, they are the culprits! Let’s not forget drivers who refuse to allow other cars to pass and then wonder why other drivers are doing the same to them.

What about the classic situation of stopping to look at accidents on the road? Hey, if you want to see crashed victims of road accidents, just turn on the TV! If you can’t help, don’t make it worse.

Malaysian drivers are also known for jumping queue and driving on emergency or prohibited lanes in order to cut through traffic. Little do they know that they are posing a potential danger to accidents, and hence causing more traffic jams.

The police should not only catch those speeding but also those who hold up traffic with their inability to go beyond the third gear and oh, the RIGHT LANE IS NOT FOR  YOU!  As for all of you dumbass motorcyclists, use the motorcyclist lane for crying out loud. Some of you are part of the reasons for slowing down the traffic.

Last but not least, those who don’t know how to drive or can’t drive due to poor vision and mental alertness as a result of age, should simply be banned from the road. It doesn’t matter if you have a working tool if you can’t work it.

If these drivers have no manners on the road, you can be assured that their bed manners ain’t going to be impressive either.


  1. I guess the trick is to have sex in the car whilst stuck in the traffic jam.

  2. I think that would stop traffic even more! But I reckon that we should try to make the best out of the worst situation.