A different kind of spirit and intoxication

These days, the right words used to describe me would be, zombie-fied and kelam-kabut.

In the last month, I have been completely engrossed in a project which has inevitably driven me to physical and mental exhaustion. Being sleep deprived, I have unwillingly arrived at work late in a dishevelled state. I’m almost always late for meetings held in-house and above all, I’ve committed one of the biggest and most embarrassing professional crime - giving the wrong name to a very important government minister while drafting a press statement!

I should be fired, but deep down I hope I won’t for two reasons. I’m psyched about what I’m doing and I’m driven by the pool of people working around this project.

A good marriage is really hard to come by these days but this article is not about marriage. It’s about team work and it’s as equally rare. Mom used to tell me this, “If you marry the right man, half of your life’s happiness is secured.”

In the context of a job, I would say that if you get to work with the right team, at least half of your day’s happiness is guaranteed. When combined together, I guess I’m a really happy woman despite the sleep deprivation and long hours of slogging.

Not too long ago, a fellow writer informed me that she doesn’t believe in Committee. She told me that it’s easier to get things done by herself. I do agree with her because there have been many occasions where I end up doing a job on my own simply because it takes too long to wait for others to act, especially if they are unreliable. Also, when there’s more than one person, it usually involves having more than one opinion and this means more time needed to take a collective decision.

In a marriage, it takes two to tango. In a team, it takes a whole troop to perform that awe-inspiring Shaolin acrobatic formation. All members need to lean on each other for support, be willing to take a fall and last but not least to sweat it out together so that their goals can be achieved.

However, these are not just the essential ingredients. It takes much more to become an exceptionally good team.

The spirit of team work was first introduced to me when I worked in Afghanistan. My wise Italian friend taught me the first lesson of being in a team: loyalty. Loyalty in his case does not mean to submit to one’s leader blindly and unequivocally. A team needs to be challenged. Otherwise, how would you know that it’s truly a good one when everything works like a bed of roses?

Loyalty here means to sort out disputes fairly and transparently, without backstabbing one another. If things get really difficult, you don’t just jump ship. You stay and work things out together.

I remember when I had just become the newest member of an electoral team in Bamyan, I did not appreciate our Coordinator. We had different working cultures which made it difficult for me to adapt.

Whenever I expressed my dissatisfaction towards the Coordinator, my Italian friend would remain impartial, refusing to partake in any of my personal observations. Instead, he would provide objective views and advised me to communicate my frustration to the Coordinator.

I find this to be a constructive and effective method of solving professional disagreement. If anything, it improves and builds working relationship because of better understanding through open communication.

Secondly, to be a truly good team, it goes beyond showing professional commitment. Since, we’re essentially human beings, we all come with emotional baggage. We all have needs to feel included, appreciated and respected. We don’t just value ourselves as a worker, but also a human being, deserving of respectful and dignified treatment.

Bamyan is one of the coldest districts in Afghanistan. During winter, the temperature often drops to minus 30 degrees celcius. Again, being new, I was unable to adapt to such harsh condition and subsequently fell ill with mild pneumonia. My colleagues quickly took to the task of nursing me back to health.

During this time, my health condition had been brought to the attention of those working in the headquarters. In order not to further jeopardise my health, decisions were quickly made to offer me a transfer to a warmer district in the East of Afghanistan. Resisting the tempting offer, I decided to stay on in Bamyan and it was the right decision I made.

I would eventually brave winter together with a group of colleagues whom by then had become friends. We would huddle together, all wrapped up in thick fleece jackets, scarves and mittens, sharing a simple meal while being fuelled by a solitary burner situated in the middle of a poorly equipped kitchen. Everything else was frozen in the kitchen but our spirits were kept sizzling hot by the solidarity we had for each other.

Last but not least, when the going gets really tough, good team members support each other despite the adversities and risks they have to take, even if it means compromising themselves.

After about six months in Bamyan, we had a shocking but pleasant surprise. A Japanese colleague of ours brought her baby boy from Japan to Bamyan. The whole adventure of how she managed to bring her baby there was a different story altogether. Suffice to say that her act was in breach of the United Nations’ employment contract. As an unaccompanied duty station, all staff were not allowed to bring their partners or children to Afghanistan, unless they were being employed by the UN or other organisations, in the case of their partners.

Being a single mother and combined with other undisclosed reasons, she had to bring her child there. We knew that it was not the best decision made, bringing a child to a war-zone country. However, we understood that whatever reason that had prompted her to do so must had been difficult and perhaps necessary.

In the end, what we did was to support her. We welcomed her baby into our humble home and treated him as if he was a part of the family. We were fully aware that if the baby was discovered by the UN authorities, we would all risk disciplinary action and our Japanese colleague, her job.

It hit upon us that it was difficult trying to conceal a baby in a small district like Bamyan. Eventually, our colleague had to pack her bag and leave the country but the memory of that moment we shared together will continue to stay with all of us for the rest of our lives.

Perhaps I would never get to experience such surreal circumstances again but I am fortunate enough to relive the joy of working in a team where all of us grow together and feed on each other’s enthusiasm, strength and encouragement to cross that finishing line.

The writer would like to dedicate this article to those working on the MyConstitution Campaign, as well as those who have been supportive and understanding of her during her moments of zombification and kelam-kabutness.

This article was first posted on The Malaysian Insider on 15 November 2009 under the same title.

The Media’s Role In Portraying Women And Building Negative Stereotypes

The shorter version of this article is published on Leaderonomics on 10 November 2017.

At a training-of-trainers workshop I attended, the participants were broken into groups of five and asked to present a 25-minute human rights training session targeting law students and young lawyers. We were encouraged to think outside the box by staying away from conventional lecture-style training model to promote effective learning of what is usually considered as a heavy subject.

Selecting a human rights topic was easy but deciding on the training style was much more challenging than I had anticipated. Being competitive, my group wanted to impress the trainers who would be assessing our performance. 

After brainstorming for hours, we decided on emulating a popular American talk show as the medium of training. The talk show host would be asking a panel consisting of four distinguished state representatives from Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, Australia and France respectively, on a specific issue that relates to freedom of expression. The purpose of selecting four culturally diverse countries was to illustrate the spectrum of the universality of human rights; i.e. how different countries in the world take into account local cultural influences when it comes to adopting universal human rights principles. 

The spectrum was represented by Saudi Arabia on the far left, being the most radical when it comes to defending cultural practices, to Malaysia and Australia in the middle, and finally France on the far right where cultural practices are often compromised to give way to universal human rights policies.

In the spirit of showmanship, we thought it was important for each role to be played out as convincingly as possible. As individuals, we ramped up our own performance by adopting the appropriate accents and mannerisms which we had identified of the respective nationalities.

When our turn came to present, we gave our best. I felt energised as I watched the participants laughed and applauded, clearly entertained by our performance. I was in high spirit when the participants gave glowing feedback, many of whom reported that the four state representatives’ viewpoints illustrated the spectrum effectively. 

Just as I thought we had nailed it, my ego was immediately deflated when the trainer delivered her assessment. She said it was extremely painful to watch us and was appalled by how we “poked fun” of the state representatives from Saudi Arabia and Malaysia by portraying them as “uneducated” and “unrefined” while the Australian and French, were depicted as “intelligent” and “progressive”. The trainer’s criticism of us was not on how we presented each country’s political views but on the way we played out the stereotypes we held for each character. She said as human rights defenders, we have the responsibility of not perpetuating negative stereotypes and must be critical of ourselves when developing content for public consumption.

I could sense a sudden shift in the training room’s atmosphere, from joyous euphoria to sombreness as we sat listening to the trainer’s critique. The immediate thoughts that came to my mind were, “how could I not have seen this?” and “what does that say about me as a human rights defender?” 

I understood instantly that our zealousness to deliver an entertaining performance (what the trainer termed as “gimmick”) had clouded my judgment.

Later, I talked to a colleague about this. We rationalised that a key factor of why we failed to recognise this faux pas is attributed to how we, as a society, have been exposed to these stereotypes through the media so much so we that we have become immune to them. If the trainer had not called out on us, we would have replicated the group assignment in a real training session, oblivious to the fact that we would have perpetuated these stereotypes to a group of young impressionable lawyers, who would then move on to ensure the cycle continues.

I went into detail about this story simply to illustrate how powerful visuals are when it comes to reinforcing stereotypes. So powerful that even people who are supposed to be the bulwarks of human rights values fall short in their quest for entertainment.  

The more constructive question to ask is this: if the media is so powerful, can it be used to reverse these stereotypes? Let’s examine how the media has been portraying images of women in the past decades. 

Most of us would have seen hundreds of advertisements on the newspaper, magazines, television and Internet. How often have we come across images of women posing with kitchen utensils, foodstuff, cleaning products, baby diapers, jewelleries, slimming supplements and beauty care? It seems that the media is convinced that women spend their lives cooking, cleaning, taking care of the baby, primping (and not forgetting longing for that diamond engagement ring), essentially reinforcing the gender stereotype of women being domesticated, materialistic and superficial.

Thankfully, women’s rights movements all over the world is slowly changing this by forcing the media to change the way they portray women. One of the best examples of this is Getty Image’s collaboration with Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In initiative in 2014. 

Getty Image is one of the biggest providers of stock photography with 2.4 million customers from across the world. This collaboration entails a Lean In Collection, containing more than 14,000 images of “female leadership and equal partnership in contemporary work and life”.

Scrolling through the collection, you will see photos of women of different ages, colours, shapes and sexual orientation performing various activities; working in different jobs, playing sports, leading group discussions, repairing machines, etc. Of course, there are still images of women as mothers, but they are often accompanied by their male partners, depicting a shared parenting lifestyle.

According to Getty Image, the top selling image of women in their library in 2007 was a naked woman under a towel. Ten years onward, it was an image of a solo woman hiking on a mountain, triggering key words like independence, power, confidence and freedom to viewers. 

One of the collaboration’s success indicators is a leap of 47% in search result for images of “female CEO” from last year. Combined with the democratisation of the media space made possible by the internet, Getty Image said that social media users are pushing marketers to portray people in more realistic and diverse ways, thus demanding brands to make women with diverse range of ages, appearances and abilities more visible.

How are we doing in Malaysia? While I do not have any data on photos of women being portrayed in the local media, a 2015 report conducted by the International Federation of Journalists (IFJ) provided insights to how women are represented in the news.

In the report, several female journalists exposed the entrenched sexist culture practised by the local media when it comes to featuring stories on women. One recalled that whenever she proposed stories related to women, the immediate questions asked by her editor were, “Is the lady pretty? Is she sexy?” If her answer was no, her story pitch would be shot down no matter how interesting the subject was.

A female sub-editor said that discussions with her male editor and colleagues on health issues relating to breastfeeding would always turn sexual. What was most insulting to her was her editor’s decision to assign the story to her male colleague simply because he felt that a man would be able to create “excitement” to the story. 

The IFJ report states that the top four depictions of women in the Malaysian media was family figures at the top, followed by victims, sexual objects and lastly, leaders.

One way of reversing these negative gender stereotypes of women in the media is to have more women in the decision-making positions as the current media industry is overwhelmingly male-dominated. One journalist said, “If a woman’s issue is covered by the media, it is almost always from a patriarchal perspective, with little to no presence of a female voice or viewpoint. Instead, only superficial or scandalous stories related to women receive significant attention.” Another journalist said that this can be curbed “with women who have the authority to influence or over-rule questionable decisions based on gender bias.”

Drawing back to the earlier story I told, normalising stereotypes of any kind as result of media conditioning is dangerous because it stops us from seeing a person for who they are and instead, boxing them into specific identities often shaped by dominant power-holders such as men and the West. 

Thankfully, with the internet, printed media no longer monopolises social narratives and the younger generations are becoming more aware of rights-based values such as gender equality through more diversified information found online. Gone are the days when the onus remained on women’s group to call out on sexism in the media. For example, AirAsia had to remove a recent Facebook advertisement after being criticised by netizens for sexism. With this, hopefully our society will continue to push advertising companies to become more responsible and accountable.

Finally, while I was writing this article, I can’t help but wonder whether in our zealousness in reversing gender stereotypes, are we running into the danger of stripping away certain gender qualities such as the femininity of the female form or perhaps, asexualising women altogether? Should we create a society that would now perceive women who are homemakers or sexy as wrong? 

Betty Yeoh, a seasoned women’s rights activist said that the media does not need to go overboard portraying empowered women by making them dressed or behaved like men. She said the real danger is when the media shows women performing incredible multi-tasking as that will create unrealistic expectations on women.

In conclusion, the media must evolve with time. It needs to harness its power towards changing society’s perception of women and in doing so, must be sensitive enough to strike that balance of portraying women in more diversified roles and capacities. We are not saying that women should not be homemakers or be sexy, we are saying women can be anything they want to be.

You Don’t Have To Quit Your Job To Become A Human Rights Leader

The late American civil rights activist Rosa Parks may have met the standard of both statements just by living her life.

The term “human rights” has become somewhat of a buzzword among urban youths today. In the work that I do, it is not uncommon to encounter young promising Malaysians who express their desire to become human rights activists. With their well-meaning intentions and idealism, I often wonder how many will eventually become citizens who truly champion human rights?

I bet Parks did not wake up one morning and decide she would become a human rights leader. She worked as a seamstress and was an active member of a minority rights group. In 1955, she certainly didn’t expect or plan that historic moment where she stood up – pun unintended – for her right to remain seated on a bus in Montgomery, Alabama. Parks said she did it because she was “tired of giving in.”

A reality check

Parks’ story was told to illustrate that being a human rights leader is not a profession you check off on a box in a visa application form. Neither is it a dream or fantasy – you know, like how many of us once idolised some movie star from a distance and thought to ourselves: That is exactly who I want to be when I grow up.

Holding a human rights job and dreaming of becoming a human rights leader don’t make you one. I can tell you this because human rights is my job, and I once looked at Aung San Suu Kyi and dreamed of winning the Nobel Peace Prize, and yet, those are not the things that make me a human rights leader.

Now, when I say being a human rights leader is not something that is created out of a fantasy, I mean it in two different ways. One: it isn’t something you dream of as a child but know deep down that is probably out of your league; and two: it isn’t a fantasy because it is actually achievable in real life – much more so than becoming a movie star.

To be a movie star, you need talent, personality, charisma, good looks, and probably a bit of luck. This combination of qualities is not easily honed. Whereas, to be a human rights leader, you only need one thing – conviction. Conviction that comes from understanding what human rights is and believing in it.

Many of you are probably asking, if it is as simple as that, why are there not many human rights leaders in this country?

My take on this is that there are probably more human rights leaders out there than we think but because many of us may synonymise Malaysian human rights leaders with public personalities such as Ambiga Sreenevasan, Irene Fernandez, Maria Chin, Edmund Bon and Adam Adli, we downplay the conviction and work of ordinary people – people you have never seen or heard of but are championing human rights in their own individual ways.

A misconceived notion

The stereotyping of human rights leaders, visualising them as individuals who are public, fearless, influential, vocal, rebellious, political, hardcore and tortured is flawed. Such stereotypes should be discouraged as it prevents ordinary people from potentially becoming champions of human rights because they think it is political and dangerous, and should only be left to those who are brave and incalcitrant.

The notion propagated by many of our state leaders that human rights is political and a Western concept is fundamentally wrong. It shows their tremendous lack of understanding of the concept, and I want to dispel that misconception today because it is important in answering our questions.

Human rights date back to ancient civilisation when human beings began to form communities and understand that in order for them to survive and flourish, they needed to live by a code of behaviour. This code is what we call laws today. Laws are created to regulate our actions towards one another so that not only do we not harm one another, but we also empower ourselves to have better lives.

For example, murder is a crime because everyone has a right to life. Burglary is prohibited because we each have the right to own property. An employee cannot be sacked without reasonable cause because he or she has the right to livelihood. Many of us see these examples only as laws and do not connect them to human rights.

When we start to make the connection, we will see that human rights are common sense and only becomes political and perceived as a Western concept when local governments refuse to recognise rights and understand them as evolving concepts. When we start to understand that human rights are not something political but a fundamental essence of our natural being – that is to say, how we should treat one another so that we can sustain and flourish together – we will see it as necessary and a part of our everyday lifestyle.

What does it take to be a human rights leader?

My answer to that is conviction. That is what drives you to champion human rights as part of your everyday life. Also, recognising that it doesn’t have to be a profession or for you to be a public figure to manifest that conviction.

So for instance, if you are starting out as the owner of a café, think about how you can champion human rights in your role as an entrepreneur and employer. Who are the people you will be working with and serving? What rights do they have and why is it important for you to recognise and protect these rights? You may be fearful of granting your employees decent working hours because that would mean spending resources to hire more people. After all, you’re just starting up and every ringgit counts. What if by doing so, your business collapses within a year?

A human rights leader will ask him or herself: Should my business concern be a top priority at the expense of my employee’s well-being? Can I not reconcile my interest and their rights? If yes, how can I make it work?

The moment you have conviction that people around you have rights, that these rights cannot be compromised, and that you have a responsibility to work out a solution to protect these rights, you become a human rights leader.

A good teacher teaches his or her students the modules laid out by the school curriculum and makes sure they excel in their examinations. A human rights leader educates his or her students human rights values by incorporating them in everyday lessons.

A world-class cardiac surgeon saves lives by performing highly intricate surgical procedures on his or her patient. A human rights leader makes sure her dying patients are treated with dignity and respect by her team of staff.

An insightful editor-in-chief of a widely distributed news daily has the knack of identifying consumable stories but a human rights leader is not afraid to publish the truth even if it may land him in trouble.

A junior accountant who calls out on his senior male counterpart’s sexist and derogatory remarks about a female colleague during lunch break is not just an ordinary staff but a human rights leader.

A CEO of a multi-national corporation implementing a zero-tolerance policy against all forms of discrimination at the workplace is not only a business leader but also a human rights leader.

What it means to be a human rights leader?

So we have established that anyone can be a human rights leader as long as they have conviction, but what does it mean to be one?

Rosa Parks said, “Each person must live their life as a model for others.”

To me, that sums up what it means to be a human rights leader – someone who lives his or her life as a role model for others.

I have had the privilege of working with human rights activists for many years. While I acknowledge the efforts and sacrifices they make, it is extremely rare to come across a leader who has been an inspiring role model to me.

As a young human rights officer many years ago, I had the opportunity to work with an esteemed senior constitutional rights advocate. I recall an experience where this particular person took offence and reprimanded me when I offered polite suggestions because he perceived them as a challenge to his seniority. His egotistical nature was antithetical to what a human rights leader should be. Not only did I feel I was being shut down, shamed and left disempowered, but I was also not treated as equal.

I also had an experience where a senior human rights lawyer did not come to my defence when I was bullied by his peers. There were also those who had broken their promises and commitments to project deliverables, displaying a total lack of professionalism and respect for work ethics.

As a woman, I’ve encountered sexist human rights activists who disregard women rights and gender equality. They pride themselves for defending the rights of political detainees and death row prisoners, but cannot conceive of the idea that feminism is a valid and important human rights concept.

Hypocrisy and egotism are two terrible things but made worse when it is being practised by the very people who pride themselves as human rights defenders. We can all learn the principles and theories of human rights but to really understand, believe and practise them are what sets a human rights activist and a human rights leader apart.

I acknowledge that human beings are fallible and it may seem that I was conjuring up the image of a saint when I described the qualities of a human rights leader. On the contrary, my point is that all human beings make mistakes but a leader knows when and how to apologise for it.

In summary, your activism in the public’s eyes does not make you a human rights leader. How you treat every person in your daily life and being accountable for your actions, do.

*This article was published on The Star paper on 10 December 2016 in conjunction with World Human Rights Day. The original post can also be found here. 

Humanising Photography

This was written on 2 July 2008 but was never published. Since then, I've tweaked it. 

When you look at a beautiful portrait of a woman taken by a reputable photographer, what do you see? Do you see the woman and ask yourself who she is? Or do you see it as a work of art by someone whom you have great admiration for? Now that I've seen a photographer in action, I tend to see the subject rather than the creator and ask myself the question, at what price?

I am not a photographer but I think I know how to appreciate a good photograph when I see one. I could be wrong of course, but anyway, that's not the point of this article. I have tremendous respect for photographers because they seem to have that ability to make the things we wouldn't normally even pay attention to become visible and pronounced. And what about photojournalists? Taking pictures in conflict zones is by no way a small feat especially when one’s life is at risk but they do it anyway and that’s what I call true passion and love for the craft they do. 

Recently, I had a chance to travel with a photographer. We were doing a small project together on traditional tribes in Ethiopia. I must confess that it finally dawned on me the sort of challenges faced by a photographer. At the same time, I am completely in awe by how powerful a camera can be. Just imagine its ability to immortalise images, and therefore, I suppose part of the reasons why many human beings tend to change their natural state of being, by either pulling a funny face or just a mere sterile smile, whenever they are confronted by a camera. I believe it is a way to shield our vulnerability and nakedness. Hence, part of the challenges a photographer has to face is to try to capture portraits of people when they are completely oblivious of his or her presence. I could tell it wasn’t easy especially when a photographer is using a 24-70mm zooming lens.

While the photographer and I were passing by a village, we saw a young woman walking unassumingly along the street while balancing a basket on top of her head. This time, the photographer seized the moment. She yelled out to our driver frantically and ordered him to stop the car and she rushed out to her. As soon as the young woman saw her with a camera, she became nervous and agitated. She didn’t want to be photographed and protested profusely.

After some time of coaxing and an offer of payment, she finally relented albeit being utterly uncomfortable. The photographer then took to her task by instructing her to make several poses. By then, they were attracting attention from other villagers who had gathered to watch the whole fiasco, much to the woman’s mortification. I could see she was very shy and timid and I guess she didn't expect to be made a spectacle that day.

I remained in the car with the driver who was still recovering from the shock of being yelled at suddenly. While I appreciated the photographer’s passion and artistic vision, I couldn’t help but feel the objectification of a human being, all in the name of photography. It felt ugly and I didn’t like it.

Then there were occasions when the photographer had singled out a girl who is blessed with better looks than the rest of her group in order to make some aesthetic portraits. The looks of rejection and disappointment on the other girls were apparent but much to the oblivion of the photographer. For this part, I understood that the photographer had to pick the most appropriate subject according to her artistic vision, but perhaps it could have been done in a more sensitive manner; i.e. take photos of the other girls as well to make them feel appreciated and included.

One day, I decided to share my feelings with the photographer, much to her disappointment. She defended her actions by explaining to me that it is part of the profession. "If you want a take a good picture, you cannot afford to compromise your instinct", she said. Her justification was, she didn't become a good photographer by being polite or nice, but by submitting herself to her photographic instinct.

I argued that there is a difference between being a good photographer and one with social intelligence, quoting the example of Clint Eastwood and Stanley Kubricks’ directing methods which I have read from Karl Albrecht’s book called Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success. According to Albrecht, while both directors are extremely talented, Eastwood adopts a more humane approach by being respectful to his casts while Kubrick preferred to instill fear by screaming and maintaining a constant state of anxiety in them. The difference? Well, Eastwood’s staffs and casts are happier which makes production time shorter while Kubrick to the contrary.

In the end, the photographer and I agreed to disagree on the basis that we both have our justifications from two different perspectives; hers from an artistic point of view while mine, from a human angle. The good thing was, she was humble enough to admit that her behaviour towards the driver was uncalled for and subsequently apologised to him. For this, I have huge respect for her but how many other photographers though are willing to admit their own shortcomings?

As I read David Turton’s article entitled “Lip-Plates and the People Who Take Photographs” in Anthropology Today Vol. 20, I was hit with another disconcerting revelation about photography.

In his article, he wrote,

“On the one hand, then, the lip-plate is prized by Mursi men and women as a mark of their cultural identity and political autonomy. On the other hand, they recognize that outsiders see it as a mark of their backwardness, which must be abandoned if they are to gain the benefits of ‘development’. This ambivalence is heightened by another and, at first sight, contradictory message about the lip-plate which has been reaching the Mursi in recent years, through the activities of tourists. For, while tourists are presumed to share the general disdain for, not to say disgust at, the practice shown by outsiders, they nevertheless come great distances mainly, it seems, in order to photograph this symbol of Mursi backwardness.”

In his article, he also quoted an interview with three Mursi men shown in a television documentary made in 1991. When asked why they thought tourists were taking their photographs, they answered that they didn't know since most tourists just came, took their photographs and left without saying anything. While they were often perceived as uncivilised thieves, one of the men commented that the failure of tourists to pay what the Mursi regarded as a fair price for photographs, were in fact thieves themselves.

To what extent a photographer needs to go in order to defend his or her artistic integrity? What about the dignity of human beings? Can there ever be a compromise?

Perhaps I have been quick to generalise photographers based on one experience and if so, I do apologise. However, I do stand by my conviction that what defines an intelligent and talented photographer from simply a talented one is the one who manages to defend his artistic integrity without compromising the dignity of others. One who puts his subjects and those around him as the core essence of his artistic achievements.

Without the people, there won’t be a subject.

I think it is time for photographers and viewers to see portraits of people as the main subject and not just an object.

"Don't let your friends come. Don't want your friend to go through all this."

My first memory of her was how small she was.  Her pale and blemish-free skin looked as if they had not seen a day of light. Her colour-treated hair was always held back neatly in a high ponytail.

She was well-groomed as how aestheticians should be - her eyebrows were shaped perfectly and her eyes enhanced with kohl and eye shadow. I was pretty sure I had the right visual when her name was brought up by Megan, my aesthetician.

"Poor Kathy. She looked the type who never had to do a day of hard labour.  This must be really hard for her," I said to Megan. I was lying flat on my back with my eyes closed while Megan performed my monthly facial treatment in her home in Petaling Jaya.

I normally loath the idea of participating in perfunctory conversations with my hairdresser and manicurist but for some reason, I like talking to Megan. Perhaps she comes across as someone who is sincere and not exploitative like many other professionals relying on commission.  That day's conversation was particularly interesting and I couldn't take my mind off it.

"She told me that short of being whipped and chained at the ankles, it was exactly like those slaves you watch on the movies. I mean, can you imagine this happening now?" I could sense repulsion in Megan's voice as she moved on to give me a shoulder massage while the mask on my face slowly hardened.

Kathy and Megan used to work together at a beauty spa in an affluent neighbourhood in Kuala Lumpur. I got to know Megan when I used to patron the spa and she was my aesthetician.

Slightly more than a year ago, Megan made a leap of faith by leaving the spa to set up her own beauty parlour at home. She said she had enough of slogging away six days a week for someone else.

Her former boss used to go around asking all the commissioned aesthetician what they thought of the five-digit Rolex watch she had just bought on a shopping trip to Hong Kong.

I left the spa and followed her.

The conversation about Kathy came about when I asked Megan whether she had heard of those farming programmes in Australia where people go pick strawberries and apples. "They seem to be really popular," I said.

She gave my face a quick inspection after she completed her usual cleansing routine. "You're not getting enough sleep and you need to drink more water," she said before she proceeded to answer my question. "Uh-huh. Why? Are you interested?"

"Oh no. I have a friend who's thinking of taking a year off from work to do this. Someone else I know wants to do the same thing too. It's just funny that two people said the same thing to me in less than a month." I grimaced as she extracted the acnes on my forehead.

"Do you remember Kathy? She was one of the aestheticians at the spa. The really small girl, fair skin? She's working in a strawberry farm in Australia now."

I was expecting Megan to tell me how Kathy was enjoying the farm fresh air and stuffing herself with strawberries as big as cikus while plucking them. I was wrong because for the next hour or so, Megan revealed the harrowing story of how her friend had left Malaysia to work like a slave in a foreign country.

According to Megan, Kathy left with a group of friends. She wasn't alone. Like Megan, Kathy was probably fed-up with her work at the beauty spa and wanted something more lucrative.

An agent told them they could each easily earn RM10,000 a month by just picking fruits from a farm in Australia. Such opportunity seemed too good to pass and they weren't really convinced until they were shown photos of the farm and accommodation. Everything looked lovely and sounded easy.

Working in Australia meant they had to obtain a working visa and this was where the agent came in. Apparently, each of them paid about RM7,000 to the agent to sort out their paperwork.

It seems that a few days before they were to depart to Australia, they were told that their working visas were not ready and they would have to leave on a tourist visa while their agent would continue to work on getting them the correct paperwork.

Perhaps they did not want to waste their plane tickets or perhaps they did not want to postpone an opportunity for a good income, as many of them had by then presumably quit their jobs and were left with no income. I could only presume such an investment might have cost some of them their life savings.

Whatever reason it was, they left for Australia more than four months ago. Before leaving, they were told to delete the agent's phone numbers from their phones.

"Kathy told me she has muscular legs and her skin is tanned now. She said she's ugly now. She has to squat on her feet to pluck strawberries for about ten hours a day without much break and under the hot sun. She sent me photos of the farm and you can't see the end of the strawberry beds. It's that far. She said it's very tough for her. She cried every night for a month when she first started," Megan told me. "Kathy said she never thought something like this would ever happen to her."

I know.  Normally you only hear of such abuses happening to Cambodians, Indonesians and Burmese. Not Malaysians.

Kathy told Megan that when they arrived at the farm after hours of driving from the city, they were brought to their accommodation. They were shocked by the condition of the place.

It was filthy, smelly and filled with all sorts of junk. It was obvious that decent living condition wasn't part of the deal. They spent days cleaning and clearing up the space to make it habitable. By then, the thought of being victims of a scam had slowly crept in since the reality of the place did not match the photos that were shown to them back at home.

For the first month or so, they could not pick the strawberries because it wasn't time for harvesting yet and because they would only be paid for each basket of fruits picked, they were not able to earn any income right away.

On top of that, they had to pay for their own lodging and food. Apparently, mattresses were rented out at A$3 per night by the farm owner. Kathy said that this information was never disclosed to them by their agent. With no income, their expenses accumulated quickly and soon enough, they found themselves in debt. On a tourist visa.

"Why don't they report this?!" I sounded angry and to be honest, a tad judgmental.

"Kathy said she doesn't want trouble. In the beginning, when they complained to the owner, he told them that they are free to go as long as they pay off their debts. Kathy said she has no choice but to wait and pick as much fruits as she can so that she can earn some money, clears her debt and leaves the farm. Also many of her friends want to earn back the money they had spent to pay the agent," Megan said.

"Kathy told me that most of the workers there are Malaysian, Chinese and Thai. Apparently, the owner doesn't want to take anyone from Hong Kong because they are known to be vocal and they will stand up and fight. You knowlah, we Malaysians are quite submissive. Always too scared to cause trouble."

I couldn't help but think that the combination of not wanting to worry her family and the fear of humiliation and being judged by them could partly be some of the reasons why Kathy had kept this from the authorities. I wondered whether I would have done the same if I was stuck in a situation like this.

Before we ended my facial session, I asked Megan to get information from Kathy on the agent and the farm. "I want to warn my friends about them," I said. Megan nodded in understanding.

On the same night while at home on the internet, I found out that the Australian High Commission is aware of such scam. They had posted a warning against fruit picking/harvesting scam on their website.

According to them, you can detect a scam if you are promised a quick working visa, if you receive an email (especially one that does not address you specifically) offering you either a guaranteed income or job, if a job advertisement requires you to send a fee to receive your start-up materials, if an advertisement only gives you a post office box address, and if the fruits do not coincide with the harvesting season.

Later that night, I received a message from Megan. Kathy had given her some vague information on the agent and the address of the farm, which appears to be situated in Western Australia. No useful information turned up when I did a search of the agent's company and the farm address on the internet.

Before I called it a night, I received another message from Megan. It read "Kathy said don't let your friend come. Don't want your friend to go through all this."

If you suspect you might have been a victim of such scam, please report to the local police or at www.scamwatch.gov.au.

*All names have been altered to protect the identity of the individuals mentioned on this article.

39 random lessons in 39 years

Here are some random life lessons I've learned before hitting the big four-zero. Readers are strongly encouraged to share their agreement or disagreement of them.

1. Wealth and education don’t buy you class and human decency. A good role model or mentor does.
2. Love doesn’t conquer all. Respect and compassion do.
3. If there is one skill you need to master, let it be communication. It’ll get you through many life’s challenges.
4. Do not advertise how much work you’ve been doing. There are others who are as hard working, if not more. They just don’t say it.
5. Do not boast about how much you have contributed to society because there are many who have done more without turning it into a Nobel Peace Prize nomination speech.
6. Do not publicise how much someone owes you. It is utterly distasteful.
7. Let other people sing your praises. The tune is nicer and it sounds better.
8. Activists can be the most narcissistic people in the world. Many don’t do it out of altruism but because it makes them look good. You’ll know when they can’t resist publicising their deeds, often in subtle manners.
9. Do not let your guard down whenever you’re with your boss. Remember, you’re being evaluated at all time.
10. Losing your virginity before marriage is not the biggest deal. Neither is infidelity. There are far more important things in life to worry about.
11. Obtaining a higher education is optional. It doesn’t teach you about life and moral.
12. Practise your religion not out of fear or societal pressure, but out of conviction.
13. If you haven’t smoked yet, do not start. It is a stupid addiction that only benefits the tobacco companies and the rest of the institutions affiliated to making them thrive.
14. Do not make others look bad so that you can turn out to be the hero.
15. Keep your promises. Your credibility depends on it.
16. Every family has a dark story. Yours is not unique.
17. No matter how high you’ve climbed, stay grounded. Humility is a virtue that will earn you more respect.
18. Respect all member of the working class. No one will miss you if you go on strike but they will if the garbage collectors do. Teach that to your children.
19. Beware of those who talk a lot. Action speaks louder than words.
20. Not everyone wants to hear the truth. Some truths are better left untold.
21. Just because someone isn’t friendly to you, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you.
22. You don’t own anyone, not your girl/boyfriend, spouse or children. Every human being should be free.
23. Marry someone who understands and respects your individuality. You’ll know if the person allows you to speak your mind and have your space.
24. Nothing is too silly to learn. Learn as much as possible. All the little skill you think you’re too good for will lead you closer to independence and empowerment.
25. Don’t bother asking what romantic love is. You’ll never really know and you’ll still be asking after you thought you’ve found it.
26. Being feminine does not make you a lesser feminist. It just makes you a pretty damn sexy one.
27. The greatest thing you can give your children is their independence. Don’t mollycoddle them. Let them learn and take responsibility for their mistakes. You won’t be there to protect them forever.
28. Help your family and closest friends first before you help others. Otherwise, you’re just a hypocrite.
29. Getting old is a bitch and you never know when it’s going to bite you. Use sun screen and anti-ageing products even before you think you need them. Oh, and eat well and exercise, exercise, exercise.
30. Never give up on a chance to travel when you can. You may never have that chance again.
31. Smile a lot. It will get you out of many ugly situations.
32. Have a brutally honest discussion with your potential spouse. Having children, fidelity, religion, finance and care plan for your parents are at the top of the list.
33. Learn to say no and teach your children to respect that.
34. People cheat for many reasons. Often, it’s not because they want to hurt you.
35. Having strong principles is good, but having wisdom is better.
36. Don’t be too eager to bad-mouth someone. You never know what the person you speak to will do with the information, or think about you.
37. The wild animals you see at the zoo, circus or performance show are being taken away from their natural habitat, held in captivity, and used for our entertainment. Stay away from them.
38. When in an emergency situation, check whether there are any security threat to you first before going to someone’s aid. You’re no good to anyone if you’re injured yourself. They teach you this in first aid.
39. Private hospitals are not better than public. They only seem better because most people you know do not seek treatment in public hospitals.

This was first published here.