Casting the Talibans away

Since my previous post, Afghanistan has seen another huge assault on their struggle towards democracy. With the Presidential elections two days away, the Taliban has fortified their determination to destabilize peace and security by instilling fear amongst those who hope to see a reformed government that was filled with corruption and abuse of power.

Having worked for the first Presidential election five years ago, it saddens me to feel as if nothing has changed. In fact, it would seem as if things have gone from bad to worse. Security has never been as fragile as now.

With more than 50 people wounded and 7 dead from the suicide bombing near the city of Kabul today, it’s hard to see any glimmer of hope for the people of Afghanistan. The BBC has reported on the widespread of violence in other other parts of the country on the same day.

The series of attacks and intimidation suffered by the Afghans may very well deter them from casting their ballots come Thursday. Will this then prove that the Taliban has won the war? It would, if this is precisely what will happen on polling day.

Having thought a bit about this, perhaps there is a silver lining somewhere along the assaults that have been carried out to injure the very spirit and essence of the Afghans. Would it be too presumptuous for me to think that the Taliban has increased their effort to reassert their authorities because they are finally being challenged by the very people they seek to control?

There is no denying that over the past few years, there is some sort of improvement in terms of human rights awareness amongst the Afghans, although many people would like to argue otherwise.

Sure, there are many things that are left to be desired; women’s rights, rule of law, freedom of expression and a government that is based on the principles of integrity and transparency.

However, if compared to five years ago, more and more Afghan women are starting to get back into the workforce although it is mainly in the cities only. The governor of Bamyan is a woman, the Chairperson of the Afghan Independence Human Rights Commission is also a woman and if I’m not mistaken, some women have also begun to learn how to drive.

Five years ago, there were no women candidates for the Presidential election. This year, there are two. Five years ago, there were 16 candidates but this year, 40.

Again, many would question the validity of these candidates but it doesn’t change the fact that there is an increasing space for democracy. I’ve read that presidential debates have been carried out and broadcasted live on Afghan television. I’ve read postings of local news and discussions by Afghan friends on Facebook and clearly see that there is a great shift from passive to being activists when it comes to the welfare of their country.

Five years ago, I worked with fellow Afghans who were local staff working for the UN. Last year, I know of one who has gone on to work in Sudan as an international staff and another who is travelling to Europe for his work with an international organization in Afghanistan. Not too long ago, it would be difficult to find an Afghan travelling abroad unless they are refugees, immigrants or those granted with political asylum.

I also know many of those who have remained in Afghanistan but continue to work courageously and fervently towards rebuilding their beloved country.

There are profound changes in the country no matter how insignificantly they might have appeared.

So perhaps, it’s not too far-fetched for me to assume that the Taliban has good reasons to be concerned. For the Afghans to give up now, it would greatly reduce their chance in winning the war against the Taliban.

As mentioned on my previous post, every Afghan has the power to change their country through the ballot box. It’s through this fundamental right that citizens have freed themselves from incompetent and abusive governments. It’s through this that a first African American was elected as the President of the United States.

Many good Afghans have died so that others can have the right to vote. Throwing this right away would make their deaths pointless and deny their children a future.

“Impress upon children the truth that the exercise of the elective franchise is a social duty of as solemn a nature as man can be called to perform; that a man may not innocently trifle with his vote; that every elector is a trustee as well for others as himself and that every measure he supports has an important bearing on the interests of others as well as on his own. "

- Daniel Webster

The power to change Afghanistan

I am a fan of The Tudors series. I don’t know how accurate the story is but wish that history lessons in school can be made more captivating like the series.

It would seem that King Henry VIII’s reign in England during the 16th century was plagued by religious upheaval; mainly the Lutheran movement in a predominantly Catholic nation and the creation of the Church of England.

The series portrayed King Henry VIII as a monarch who was so obsessed and occupied with his love affairs that he would rule the country with great misjudgement, tyranny and oblivion towards the suffering of his people.

In order to marry Anne Boleyn, he went against the Catholic church (what was considered as the Divine faith) by divorcing his Queen, Catherine of Aragon. This would mark the beginning of England’s separation from the Holy Sea or The Vatican as commonly known today.

King Henry VIII, once discovered the Boleyn family’s plot to manipulate him, ordered for the execution of his new queen. Eventually, he married Jane Seymour who died shortly after giving birth to his first legitimate son.

He then married again for the fourth time to a German aristocrat but succeeded to get the marriage annulled.

This post is not really about the history of England. I’ve mentioned it because there’s one scene in the series which is linked to what I read today on the BBC news.

Apparently, Afghanistan has officially endorsed a law which provides the right for a man to starve his wife if she refuses to have sex with him. It baffles me that such a law should exist in this day and age, especially when Afghanistan is trying to move towards democracy.

To me, instead of moving forward, what’s happening in Afghanistan today is a huge regression towards an archaic period filled with brutality, lawlessness and injustice practised only  by medieval Kings and Emperors granted with unlimited power.

When Jane Seymour was told by Lady Rochford, her lady-in-waiting, that King Henry VIII has taken a mistress, the noble Queen, while feeling dejected, implied that she had accepted the subjugation of women as part and parcel of life. Basically, whatever the King wishes for, it shall be granted without resistance. Whatever he decrees, let it be law.

I couldn’t help but notice too that the King uses religion to suit his whims and fancies. He doesn’t question the sinfulness of debauchery, adultery, corruption and summary executions but will not hesitate to punish those accused of heresy or treason in the name of religion.

Afghanistan is reliving this dark period and I ask myself how could this happen.

The men who support this law stand up boldly and say, this is what our religion says and it is divine. The women, hidden underneath their burqas, remain silent and helpless. In the mean time, what does the President of Afghanistan say?

When I looked at King Henry VIII, he is nothing but a man, made of flesh and blood; pathetic even. He eats, drinks and releases his bowels to stay alive. He falls ill, ages and dies as nature would have predicted him to. And yet, he holds the power to determine who shall live and who shall die.

Who gave him the power? The simple answer is, the people. Without the acceptance of his people to submit themselves to him, he would be nothing but just a common man, like you and I.

A friend asked, "”What can we do for the women in Afghanistan?” The simple answer is, the Afghans themselves. Stop giving power to those who use religion to control and to subjugate. Stop giving power to those who allow these religious fanatics to create senseless and archaic laws.

Stop voting for the person who is responsible for this. Without your support, they will not have the power.

The narcissist in me

So I got hit by the vanity bug this week. I thought this day would never come, not even on my wedding day. For my wedding, I wore a simple dress bought on the day before in such haste that I still had the price tag on when we arrived at the registrar.

Anyway, I was informed that I would be given a column on the Malaysian Insider starting two weeks from now. Yes, very exciting news and I was really really chuffed especially when I was told that I can write about anything I want. Hooray!

In reality, I was shocked by the news. When I first started having discussion with someone from the Malaysian Insider, I never thought that this would turn out to be something so great. So, you can understand why I couldn’t believe it.

When I asked the person whether there should be some kind of a theme for my column, she suggested, “Why not call it Ka Ea’s life?” I was like, “Err….isn’t that a bit too egocentric?”

Truth be told, who was I kidding? It may have sounded egocentric but hey, aren’t most bloggers like that? (I know of one who is particularly self-centred).

So yes, as an afterthought, I realised what I said was purely false modesty and I hated myself for that. So, I’m going to try real hard not to turn my column into some sort of an intellectual emotional masturbation.

Anyway, going back to the vanity bug. I was also told that a photographer would be taking a photo of me and I must confess that I really felt uncomfortable. As far as writing is concerned, I have no problem feeling comfortable with who I am but when it comes to socializing or having my pictures taken by someone, I turn into a complete moron.

No joke. I guess I have my own complexes like many people. With writing, at least there is no actual physical contact with another person but when I’m in front of a person or the camera, I feel naked and vulnerable.

So, I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to make such a big deal out of this. If the photo turned out bad, I could always request them to Photoshop it. Then someone advised me that I should at least get my hair done. After all, this photo may accompany me for a long time if I manage to keep the column.

What started off as only a haircut went totally out of control. I insisted the hairstylist to keep it natural and messy. You know, the kind of hair where it looks nice and yet as if you have just gotten out of bed. I didn’t want it to look as if I had made too much effort.

When I explained to the hairstylist that I would be getting my portrait picture done, she advised me to get my make-up done as well. By now, you should realize that neither do I have naturally great hair nor a clear complexion. So much for having my ego boosted previously.

So now, she had really put me in a dilemma. Should I get my make-up done or not? If I did, then it proved that I was giving too much attention on this photo thingy. Wasn’t that a tad too narcissistic? Do I really care about people judging how I look rather than the substance of my writing? But if I didn’t, would I look at the photo and wished that I had done it?

Hmm…this has got to be the toughest decision of my life.

Of course, I gave in to the vanity bug. I traipsed to the cosmetic section, feeling rather silly. I felt lost and yes, naked. How does one get a make-up done and which one? Aahhh…Bobbi Brown. I’ve heard good things about it; neutral skin tone, etc. Just what I needed.

As soon as I was told that I had to purchase RM180 worth of products in order to get a free make-up, I immediately said no. What the hell was I going to do with the product after the photo session?

I was going to change my mind (I wasn’t going to approach all the cosmetic counters to be given the same answer) but the lady told me that Shu Uemura provides make-up service alone without the need to purchase any products. Goody! I always wanted to try out their fake eyelashes.

So there I was, sitting on the cosmetic counter on a Thursday morning, having my face covered with thick layers of concealer and what not. The funny thing was, I never realize how ridiculously delusional I could be.

I firmly informed the lady, “I would like the make-up to be as natural as possible. Neutral colours only. But ah, you see here?” I pointed at the angry spot on my right cheek. “Please do your best to hide it, ok?”

The lady looked at me with exasperation and as politely as she could, said, “Err….if you want the spot covered, I have to put on hairy make-up, wor.”

Hairy? What the hell is hairy make-up? I thought I had my hair done already.

After seeing how confused I was, she quickly added, “Ok, never mind. I know you don’t like hairy make-up. I will try to cover as much as possible. But can still see the spot a little bit. Okay-ah?”

Aahhh..she meant heavy make-up. Ok-lor what to do? Don’t have good skin but want to expect so much. See? This is how delusional I was.

Apart from learning the lesson that one should always dress up when having their make-up done (I was walking in shabby clothing around the mall but with a face that was ready to attend a ball), I’ve learned that anyone can look like a superstar. All you need is a professional make-up artist and fashion consultant.

J. Lo’s luscious long hair? Highlights and hair extension. Lucy Liu’s almond-shaped eyes with thick curly eyelashes? Mascara with fake lashes. Cameron Diaz’s luminous smooth skin? Concealer and liquid foundation.

I kid you not because the result was startling and I was unrecognizable. If you don’t believe me, I challenge you to try it out and see the result for yourself. Go on and surrender yourself to the vanity bug.

A personal matter of hygiene

I started doing my nails way before nail salons sprouted in Kuala Lumpur like weeds. At that time, Mom was appalled with what she saw as frivolous behaviour; paying someone to do my nails. Now, she understood that many women wouldn’t be seen dead in public functions without their nails done (although she’s not a convert yet).

Occasionally, I like my eyebrows threaded and plucked too. As far as personal hygiene is concerned, I limit myself to haircut, manicure, pedicure, facial, eyebrows trimming and body scrubbing. There’s one thing which I’m intrigued with but never have the courage to try. I’m thinking that most of you would have guessed what I’m referring to.

A few years ago, I was having my nails done at a beauty salon. A beautiful young lady in micro-mini skirt walked in and she was quickly ushered into a private room. I thought nothing of it except for envying her long slender legs.

A few minutes later, I heard a horrifying scream coming from the room. For that split second, I did wonder whether I was at a beauty salon or the dentist. The scream continued intermittently. The manicurist attending to me smiled apologetically and told me that the girl was having a Brazilian wax.

I first heard of the term Brazilian wax in Sex in the City and hence was familiar with the procedure. Nevertheless, I must confess that I was a tad surprised that Malaysians have started adopting it.

Since then, I began to hear more and more women I know who have their zones down under taken care of. Some personal testimonies I received were equivalent to that horrifying scream. Women have described to me how painful and uncomfortable this treatment can be. On top of this, they are subjected to vulnerable positions which are normally more suited for private bedroom activities. A gynaecology’s scrutiny would have been less invasive compared to this. Yet, some have told me that they can’t live without it.

So yes, my reluctance to try a Brazilian wax stems from my unwillingness to be placed under such humiliating and vulnerable positions in the hands of a complete stranger. Lying face down on all four and spreading my butt cheeks to expose my privates so that someone else can strip off unsightly pubic hair is too much for me to handle. However, I do admire the women who can; those who attend to it and those who get it done.

All these trimming, filing and plucking has made me ask this question: Since when did we start to think that personal hygiene isn’t such a personal matter anymore? We have begun to leave what our foremothers would have regarded as extremely private matters in the care of strangers? We expose our bare feet, discoloured toe nails, untrimmed cuticles and what not, right in front of someone else’s face to have them cleaned for us.

In some manners, women in the olden days were much more mysterious and fascinating. They turned up in public looking their best and got everyone wondered how did they do it? Now, everyone knows where a woman could get this and that done.

I used to get amused when I watched movies showing aristocrats being undressed, bathed, dressed and having their hair combed by a chamber maid. I often thought to myself then, “Damn. Don’t you guys have hands?” But when you look at how we willingly pay someone else to take care of many parts of our person, what difference does that make? The only difference is, only few could afford such luxury in the olden days but now, many of us can.

The bottom line is, whether it’s a frivolity or not, many of us cannot seem to live without. In the end, it’s really a personal matter when it comes to matters of personal hygiene.

As our standard of living and level of education increase, there’s no denying that many urban Malaysian women are now much more eager to engage and share hygiene and beauty tips. I just hope that these women would be as equally eager to engage and share personal health care such as breasts and pelvic examinations. After all, you can’t possibly care about your pubic hair without caring for your vagina first.

Cheese omelette for the culinary challenged

An omelette is probably one of the easiest meals to cook, especially if it’s just a plain one. I remember making them a lot in university for fried popiah (spring rolls) fillings. While growing up, an omelette was usually used as an accompaniment; with rice, mee suah (rice noodles) soup, fried mee hoon (another type of rice noodles) and not a meal by itself.

Over the last few years, I’ve learned from the French and begun to eat them as a main course. These are not just the plain ones but filled with different kinds of ingredients; tomatoes, button mushrooms, ham, chives and ham. Sometimes, you can make a really good omelette with minimal ingredients such as the girolles mushrooms. The girolles is very flavourful which explains why it’s rather expensive. It might be difficult to find fresh girolles in many countries but you might be able to find dried ones, usually sold in small plastic container in supermarkets specializing in imported products.

While one would think that it’s easy to make an omelette without any possibility for error, I’ve done several mistakes of my own. I had made them too salty, dry or hard. I prefer my omelette a bit runny and not completely cooked, especially if there are cheese in it. I’ve somehow mastered a reasonably good omelette over the past few months.

If you feel like having a light dinner, this is a great recipe to fill your stomach without going over the top. It’s best eaten with fresh bread or baguette. Here, I added a simple tomato salad for that refreshing side taste.

What do you need:

(Serves 2)

Omelette:

1. 4 eggs; lightly beaten with a small pinch of salt and pepper.
2. A clove of garlic; finely chopped.
3. 1 whole shallot; finely sliced.
4. 4 button mushroom; finely chopped (I use a blender for this).
5. 3 stalks of spring onions (only the green parts); finely sliced. If you can find chives, it’s even better.
6. 2 slices of smoked ham; cut into strips or small squares. (Substitute ham with turkey ham if you eat kosher meal.)
7. Some grated cheese; either cheddar or mozzarella.
8. A small drop of sunflower oil

Tomato Salad:

1. 4 red tomatoes; cut into small cubes.
2. 1 whole shallot; finely sliced.
3. 3 bulbs of spring onions (only the white parts leftover from the ones used for the omelette); finely sliced.
4. Some cheddar or mozzarella cheese; cut into small cubes.
5. Some salt and pepper to taste.
6. A squeeze of lemon juice.
7. A dribble of olive oil.

(See above: This is not tofu but mozzarella cheese. You can find fresh ones but for this recipe, use the processed ones normally found in pizzas.)

How to make it:

 

1. Start with the salad first because it’s good to let the salad soaked in lemon juice and olive oil for awhile before serving it.
2. Mix the tomatoes, shallots, spring onions and cheese in a bowl.
3. Sprinkle some salt, pepper and then squeeze the lemon juice on the salad.
4. Dribble some olive oil over the mixture and then toss the mixture a couple of times to maximize blending. Leave it in the fridge until serving time.
5. Heat the pan and when it’s hot, pour the oil onto the pan.
6. Add in the shallots and fry it until slightly brown.
7. Add the garlic just for a few seconds.
8. Add the mushrooms and ham and fry them for a few minutes.
9. While the mushrooms and ham are sizzling in the pan, put the spring onions in the egg mixture.
10. Pour the egg mixture in the pan. Move the pan from side to side to ensure that the mixture covers the whole pan.
11. Sprinkle the grated cheese over the omelette.
12. Allow the omelette to cook over small heat for a few minutes. If you like them runny like I do, turn off the fire once the cheese are melted. Otherwise, leave it a bit longer but it might become hard.
13. Serve the omelette on the plates with the tomato salad.

Bon Apetit!

Left: The ingredients in the tomato salad.

Right: The omelette cooking in the pan. It looks a bit like a pizza with great toppings.

Parents playing God

I was watching Ramen Girl the other day and something strikes me about the movie. It wasn’t just a romantic story where boy meets girl in a foreign country, they fall in love and live happily ever after. It’s a movie about breaking away from family expectations and finding your own path in life.

Brittany Murphy plays the character of a lost (by lost, I mean uncertain about what she wants in life) American girl, who while in search of her love, ends up in Tokyo. She loses her love but instead finds a purpose in life. For the first time, she realises what she wants to do and that is to be a ramen chef.

Defying her family expectation of her in becoming a lawyer, she studies under the tutelage of someone who appears as a mean and tyrannical Japanese ramen chef in a small but popular ramen restaurant. During this time, she learns and adopts what is considered as the epitome of Japanese culture; responsibility, discipline and commitment towards achieving one’s goal.

Inevitably, like many other movies, she finds love with a local guy, whom unlike her, sacrifices his dream of becoming a musician by working as a corporate executive in order to fulfil his family’s wishes. So, the movie is basically about how the two individuals from such diverse cultures learn from each other; her by learning responsibility and him by pursuing his dream.

The movie’s theme reminded me about how I used to think (sometimes I still do) that my whole life is about fulfilling my family’s expectation. Sometimes I feel guilty for breaking away from the tradition my Father started by building his own business and then expecting my brother and I to take over from him. There is a huge dilemma of wanting to do something for myself and yet feeling remorseful for disappointing my Father since I owe him so much.

Thankfully, albeit being disappointed, my Father only wishes for our happiness. As long as we’re able to lead an honest and respectful life, we’re given the blessing to do whatever we wish for. Unfortunately, not all children are bestowed with understanding parents.

Many years back, I met a girl who was nice and kind in my A-Levels class. She was the kind of girl who would never harm another person. She was sweet, soft-spoken, polite and warm. We knew each other for about a year and then one day, she stopped coming to class. I found out later that she had committed suicide. Words had it that she aspired to be a dancer but due to family pressure, she was forced to study medicine. She must had been very unhappy and yet nobody knew or suspected anything until she met her death in her own hands. If the rumours were true, I wonder how her parents must had felt, knowing that they were partly responsible for their daughter’s death.

In university, I met many interesting, intelligent and nice Malaysian students. Since we were studying abroad, we all felt a special kind of bond and solidarity towards each other. We would sometimes hangout together, share a Malaysian meal or participate in cultural events.

Naturally, being away from home, we were free to be ourselves. We were allowed to dress however we like, do whatever we want and fall in love with whomever we believed we could be happy with. We were living unadulterated lives and sure enough, we made mistakes, we got hurt and so, we paid for our actions. Above all, we learned to grow up through trial and error and making our own decisions.

A few years after I graduated, many things have changed. Some of us have taken up completely different styles of dressing while others have settled down with life partners who possess completely different characters and personalities from their exes. It was almost as if the people I used to know have reverted back to a generic or mainstream lifestyle.

I hope that what I said doesn’t come across as me being judgmental. After all, being a student is far from being a working adult with different sets of responsibilities and priorities. However, I do question whether people change because they want to or merely because they are conforming to family and society’s expectations.

Do we choose a specific profession because that’s what our families would be proud of? Do we choose our life partners because they fit the profile of who our families would be happy with? Do we express ourselves in the way our family and society would be comfortable with? It would seem that we often do.

Many people have condemned how doctors seem to play God by determining the life and death of a person. However, less people have questioned whether parents are doing the same thing. I believe that I understand what it means to make our families proud and happy simply because we owe them our lives. It took me years to break away from the guilt of not fulfilling their wishes because at the end of the day, we don’t choose to be borne. They chose to give birth to us and decided on their own paths but it doesn’t mean they have a right to expect us to live the life they want. If they were to determine what road we should take and who we should become, isn’t that playing God or perhaps worse because God allows us to have freewill.

However, I do have a disclaimer for this. While I am a strong proponent of freewill, I believe that we do owe our parents a lot for bringing us up and we should never forget this. We can show our gratitude by respecting them, attending to their needs and be grateful for what they have sacrificed for us. Their happiness means a lot to us but at the same time, it should be reciprocal.